Roaring Corgi

No REALLY I could use the vet bill donations OR WHEN HEARTWORMS ATTACK! Tonight at 7!

It's like red paperclip except I will exchange with you all kinds of good thoughts and maybe some hugs for cold, hard cash for my animals.

Fine.

How about I'll trade you Crazy Dog for money? What?! You heard what about him? That he is insane? Hahahaaha... heh.. that's just a JOKE. heh. <clears throat>

I decided to put my dogs back on heartworm medication because they have been off for over a year - I know. Why now? Well apparently there were TWO CASES OF HEARTWORM LAST SUMMER.  And previously there were... zero. Which means the threat has gone up 200%.

For those of you who do not have the drudgery wonderful, butterflies and bubblegum experience of owning dumb animals like dogs, let me just fill you in.

1. The medications require a prescription. Now. Dogs are considered property, not creatures. Meaning, if I gave my dog to a friend to watch and they decided to not give it back, I would thank them I wouldn't be able to make them give it back without going to court for property issues. So naturally you would need a prescription to give them something to eat. W.T.F.

2. I have to take Crazy Dog in to get a physical because he hasn't seen a vet in a while on account that he tends to maul their faces into little bits of fat and gristle. I think it means he likes them. I have to pay $59 to that vet for that honor. For one dog. Only him. SOLO UNO PERRO PEOPLE. <--that's spanish at work yo.

3. Roxy avoids this charge because she spends 35% of her life at the vet. She should have a punch card.

4. I also have to get blood tests done for BOTH dogs in order to make sure they don't have heartworm before I get the medication that prevents heartwor--wait a damn minute. That makes no sense you say? Yes well allegedly if the dog does have heartworm and you give the medicine it will kill them. KILL THEM. Right. Haha. You got me! No idea! What in the world?

5. Then I get the honor of paying $25 per month to keep them non-heartworm infested. I was ready to give up until my partner pointed out that if they did get heartworm it would cost a hell of a lot more to save them <kicks ground> So I guess it only makes sense.

Donation checks can be made out to Breanne Boyle. Thank you.

I am now taking donations in order to pay vet bills.

Roxy split her leg open or something as equally retarded. I mean what is that animal thinking?

"Oh well I haven't seen that scary vet guy that I hate in about 2 months - TIME TO INVENT A REASON."

She was licking her leg the other day until I noticed and saw there was what looks like a hole in her skin. How she got a perfectly round hole in her skin is beyond me, but then again I don't understand a  lot of what that dog does:
- Chase loud cars
- Lick Crazy Dog's face even though he looks like will explode in a homicidal rage if she licks him one. more. time.
- Run through a screen door
- Scoot a bed
- Attack windshield wipers

And those are just a few. I had to deal with this dumb hole so I put neosporin on it and wrapped it in painter's tape, because why on earth would I have something practical like bandage wraps lying around. BTW, the tape worked like a charm, and didn't even pull hair!

Then yesterday I come home and Crazy Dog is rubbing his ear so deeply against his own foot that he is falling over in ecstasy. Seriously. It was obscene. I looked and well, don'tcha know! He has an ear infection! Apparently it comes in pairs.

I cleaned it out with some q-tips (I KNOW I am not supposed to do that but bite me) and when I was doing that CD fell against my leg and started kicking his leg and grunting. People. I felt so... used. 

Moral? Don't get hurt and you wont have to wear that stupid cone of shame anymore Roxy.

Wrinkly Faces and Grape Tomatoes

Just have to post this picture. Plus I need a few more posts to push the poop picture off the front of my blog. This dog was at a recent dog show I attended. I mean what else can you do with this face other than SQUISH IT TOGETHER?

If I owned this animal all I would do is find things to squish into the folds.

Crayons.

Grape tomatoes.

Four Leaf Clovers.

Baby chicks.

Then I would take pictures and paste them on my blog called www.awesomethingstostuffinawrinklydogface.com 

Don't actually go to that web site!! It's about murdering kitties! I was kidding. It's really porn. Haha. Just kidding. Totallykidding. It's really the murdering kitties one.

Roxy and the Flinging Poop

Today was sort of an adventure day I guess. And it's only 11. <sigh> Life with a corgi is always on full throttle.

This morning my partner took the pups out to potty like usual.Crazy Dog always gets to go first, because Roxy just sometimes needs to WAIT for something. God forbid.

While CD was out doing his thing, a bunny was flushed from a bush. Dear god the bunnies around here. They are like flies. Shoo one away, another is there. So it runs omg so faaaaast to get away from Crazy Dog, who only saw it after it was too late for him to do anything, but he needs to make a show of growling and giving chase anyway.  I was holding Roxy so she could watch CD while he was out there, because well, its her pack and she NEEDS. TO. KNOW. WHERE. THEY. ARE. ALL. THE. TIME.

But the oh the bunny. She shrieks in my arms because CD is growling and there is a BUNNY! LET ME GET THE BUNNY!

Then, after that is over, she goes out. And while in her poop squat people, she sees/hears a motorcycle go by. This is a new habit she is developing that I am not happy about - growling and barking and running after loud vehicles. See truly she is scared of them, but in her little peanut brain she does this:

Loud engine = scary. If I then proceed to chase that loud thing away, no one will realize I'm scared! Genius! 

It's a dangerous thing to develop. Especially for a breed of dog that doesn't like to let things go. Meaning if she was off leash (we NEVER do this) and a bunny ran away from us, we would never see Roxy again. Ever. <thinks...> Wait just a minute... this might be a great plan actually. I would never do that.

So the motorcycle. Right. She is pooping remember? And she runs. While pooping. Poop is flinging everywhere. Because why do one thing at a time when you can MULTITASK.

Text n00b

My partner doesn't like to text, because he has a phone he stole from Zack Morris and hello, it doesn't DO ANYTHING other than make calls. wtf. Who want's a phone like THAT?

So he always complains when people text him. And I am forever saying, you know that "new every two" plan you are on? Yeah you have like a million credits. GET A NEW PHONE.

He messages me today:

Him: your brother is "bored at work" so he's texting me
Me: really?
Him: i don't want to be rude, but texting on my phone sucks ass
Him: so i'm not really interested in it
Me: tell him that
Him: it takes too damn long to type that!!!
Me: lol
Me: say txting on my phn sux
Him: that would take like two minutes
Me: omg
Me: you are a baby
Me: GET A NEW PHONE
Me: want me to txt him from MY phone to tell him?
Him: yes!
Me: omg

So I did.

I guess he can have her. That Avril Lavigne girl.

My partner is obsessed with Avril Lavigne. To the point that even one of his BFFs (cute right?) teases him about the fact that the only CD in his car is Avril's.

To the point where I DRESSED UP as her for Halloween last year. Yes. I know. Oh believe me, we still have the outfit.  Yeah, I know. He dressed up as his yearly "Mr. Football Head" while I painstakingly painted my fingernails black, donned an itchy wig and wore a tiny skirt with tight fishnets and heels all night. Meanwhile he's in a  jersey. And that... mask.

Today he IMs me frantically.

Him: avril broke up with that sum41 guy!
Me: they divorced?
Him: separating!
Me: hmm. wait, don't be so happy ass.

She can have him. You see, I am doing him a favor. I will never EVER be that tiny and that blonde, not together and not separately. So have her. If she'll take you.

Might be rockin' to have her hanging around anyway. I can walk out in the morning drinking coffee and she would be there, having to look hot all the time and taking that chore from me, and I could be like, "Hey Avril! Sing Girlfriend!" And then she would have to and then I could dance before I have even had breakfast.

Rated NC-17: Corgi Bares All

Roxy has this... well... habit. Of, um, exposing herself? In fact, no joke, as I write this right now, she is laying in the doorway to this room, in this same lewd pose.

Let me demonstrate (and these span 3.5 years people.. and there's more)

AVERT YOUR EYES MINORS!

I edited them so I wouldn't get banned from the interwebs.

Might be over the line but that's the kind of blog this is

So. I did it. I took a picture of poop. It's not the first time only because I took pictures of John McCain's poop for evidence. But that was a rabbit and rabbit poop is sort of well, if it's not cute then it's at least non-offensive.

I saw this show on TLC last night called Truth Be Told I'm Obsessed with my Pet and I was like omg those people are NUTS seriously. Who dresses up their dogs for pageants? Who dresses up their kid for pageants for that matter?

Crazy people that's who.

But then I took a picture of Roxy's poop.
BECAUSE I WAS PROUD. (note to self: find out schedule for casting for the next episode of above mentioned show)

But please tell me if that's not just like the smoothest poop you've ever seen? It's like a nicely warmed tootsie roll all smooth and stuff.

That's how I explained it to my partner when I showed him the picture. I think he was shocked and that's saying a lot because I do a lot of stupid crap.

He said: you took a picture of poop?
Me: yeah look how smooth it is!
Him: you took a picture of poop.
Me: ..... Right...... Did you even look?
Him: honey. You took a picture of poop!

I'm not sure why he was confused because it's pretty simple. With all the epic digestive failures of these dogs I was PROUD of the amazingly normal turd I saw yesterday.

WHERE ARE MY PEOPLESSS??

Roxy definitely loves Crazy Dog more than he does her. I'm not even sure he gives a care if she stays or goes, often wishing she would just GO ALREADY.

He has this habit of sleeping on top of the two dog creates, I think to get away from Roxy actually. She hasn't figured this place out yet for some reason. It's his escape.

I don't blame him. Not a bit.

Roxy also has this need to know where everyone is at all times. She's a herding dog you know, so she needs to go oh there you are, where's the other person, oh okay right there. That makes two so we're good. <corgi sighs and sleeps soundly>

If I get up to move to another room, even for a second, she goes right with me. What if I disappeared or came back as TWO people? Her herd count would be off!

I have a favorite blog that writes about her Aussie that has this very same hang up.

My partner and I were IMing and he told me this story that sums up all of the above perfectly:

Him: this morning when i got out of the shower  roxy was on the ground and <crazy dog> was up on top of her crate
Him: and suddenly she got up and started looking around
Him: behind the bed etc
Him: then stood up and put her paws on the crate and saw where he was
Me: lol
Him: and ROARED with glee
Me: hahahaha
Me: I FOUND HIM
Him: like she was SO happy to find him
Me: she needed to count her family
Me: ONE WAS MISSING

Sharing

If you have been reading this blog (hi the two of you!) or following my fb or twitter, you know Roxy doesn't share well. She bosses well. At least it's something.

This morning I let them finish the milk from my cereal. I know. I don't really believe in feeding dogs people food. It will kill them. Or turn them into this.

But milk? I think that's okay. Every now and then. Roxy started drinking first - naturally. Then Crazy Dog approached. I winced, expecting Roxy to launch herself on him. Just yesterday she left her bone inside to run outside and chase a fly. Crazy Dog walked up to the back door and he was OMG PANIC WITHIN FEET OF HER BONE.

She turned in mid air and ran back inside, snarling and snapping at CD's face on the way.

I yelled at her. If any dog is going to bite at faces, it should be Crazy Dog.

So Roxy and the milk.

This is what transpired. I ALMOST DIED.

In case you missed the SHARING,see it up close:

And CD's enjoyment.... ah. Notice Roxy licking the enamel off the bowl lest she miss a drop.