Roaring Corgi

Like Corgi Camaros

<-- Look at that. The one good thing about her getting surgery is how MUCH SHE WILL SLEEP for the next few days.

I was thinking about Roxy’s bad leg again and it struck me that if we are paying for the surgeon and anesthesia anyway we should just have them amputate the two front legs and get her one of those little carts. She could push herself around with her back legs.

I have never actually seen a cart for the front legs – only the back legs – but I am sure they exist. I think it would be better actually. Sort of like corgi rear-wheel drive. We could put her in a cart race with front-wheel drive dog carts and I bet she’d spank their asses! Like a corgi Camaro.

Think of all the things she couldn’t do to be bad?!

I’ll follow up with the actual cost of this thing when I go pick her sad face up from the vet today. Pics to follow.

There is a crow murderer that lives on my street, or really, on my roof.

This morning I listened as a crow died on my roof. (Or was murdered.) While I stood in the shower. It was both creepy and very intimate at the same time.

We have known for the entire time of our lease that our walls are thin. We have been privy to such things as our neighbor beating/murdering/raping his wife (yes it was lovely, and my partner and I couldn't sleep the rest of the night lest the beater/murderer/rapist came into our house next), the screaming child next door, the apparent love of the band System of a Down by the same murdering neighbor, and mariachi music at all hours - which is probably the most pleasant of the entire list honestly.

I was standing in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower around 7am and I hear a thump and a crow start cawing pathetically above my head. Because there is a vent in that room that must go directly outside, I could hear it in terrible clarity while my partner slept blissfully on the other side of the door.

I heard flapping of wings while it labored on the roof. (Was being strangled by a maniacal cat human.)

It fluttered over a few inches and cawed helplessly. (The cat human tightened its grip.)

It was quiet then for a minute (was being strangled within an inch of its life) so I got into the shower, thinking it had finally passed (was finally murdered and ready to be eaten).

With shampoo in my hair the squawking started up with a vengeance. (The crow, having faked his own death, saw an opportunity to call for help from his fellow crews while the cat human murderer sharpened his paring knife for skinning.)

Then all at once there was some muffled tumbling around up there while the crow tried to take flight. (Seeing the attempted escape, the can human pounced on the crow and resumed the scuffle.)

The crow burst into a flurry of caws that made me drop the conditioner bottle to the floor and yelp. (The cat human pulled out the sharpened knife and stabbed the crow in his neck.)

Then, it was quiet. (The crow lets out his last breath and blood as the cat human grins wickedly and sits down to eat.)

It was all at once terrifying and sad, and made me feel oddly vulnerable. Like that crow was going to come crashing through my ceiling into my shower at any time.

Moral? When buying a house, one must make sure all outer and upper walls are SOUND PROOF. Otherwise you will have the unlucky chance of moving in next to murderers. Of crows. And people.

Plus I don't know about you but cat humans are freaking gross.

Dollah dollah bills y'all!

Quick Catch Up: Roxy’s growth plates closed too soon on her front right leg and she had to have two surgeries over a period of five months in order to fix it. This happened in 2007 by the way.

For the past week or so she’s been limping and favoring what we refer to as her “bad leg.” Mind you, she’s limped on various legs over her 3 years of life because, well, she’s a corgi, and in case you didn’t know or haven’t ever read this blog before, that means she NEVER EVER stops moving. So she gets injuries. Meanwhile the only adventure Crazy Dog is ever on is trying to find the softest, cushiest spot in the house on which to sleep. So funny enough he never has physical injuries. Ever. No worries though – he makes it up with intestinal explosions all over carpet and other textiles.

LOVE.

HIM.

We were prepared for the x-ray bill. Total was $290. Pshaw. That’s kid stuff. When you have had vet bills in the 4 figures, a few hundred bucks barely phases you. Vet bill charge off? Roxy is winning.

Turns out one of the screws in her leg plate from the second surgery from 2007 is out of the plate, just hanging out in her elbow all alone. Little emo screw. That screw will not conform! And because it needs to express itself and be different from the other screws, we now most likely have to pay to open up her leg a third time to smack that screw around and make it stand up straight like other soldiers.

Seriously, if Roxy was a horse, we would have shot her by now. Corgi stew.

 She is on some seriously heavy meds now and man they must be good. She will now walk on a leg she wouldn’t even put weight on before. I may or may not have stolen borrowed safely stored away in case of emergency some of her pills. For emergencies. Really. Like my own. In case my head hurts from too much yelling at the corgi.

Sad second pic is from her first recovery. She can do “sad, pathetic dog” REALLY well.

Tell me why I attract such awful animals, horses included.

The other day I was riding that terrible horse, Rocky, that through me into a fence. Yeah. That one. I know. I <3 him though, but then again I love Crazy Dog and he vomits on a regular basis and tries to bite people's faces, so really this horse? He doesn't do any of those things. Except for the biting. Damn.

Before I ride him I let him run around in an open arena to get out some spunk from being pent up in his stall. Usually he runs like crazy, bucking and playing around, snorting and stamping his feet at me, which actually is pretty rude.

This last time he was being lazy and purposely heading to the far end of the arena so it was difficult for me to follow him with my whip to force him to move around. One of the times I was trudging after him to crack my (real) whip at him, he noticed a horse and rider riding just outside one fence in the arena, and trotted over there to say "hi." To fill you in on Rocky's general attitude toward other horses is that he doesn't like them. He is a bit small and I think he feels the need to make up for that.

HOW DO I FIND ALL THESE ANIMALS?

Could someone please give me one that is not effed up emotionally?

So anyway, he was trying to meet that horse and rider. He trotted along parallel and then he reaches his head over the fence like hey what's up horse, I'm just gonna give you a million kisses. Except of course Rocky isn't the lovable kind of horse and then he bites that other horse right in the ribs and runs the other way tossing his head in joy.

The other horse's face registered mild pain but because the other horse is undoubtedly better behaved, he didn't do something like I don't know... SPOOK AND THROW HIS RIDER.

I followed Rocky to the other side and scolded him and while I was berating him, he reached over the fence and grabbed a hose that was wrapped up nicely and pulled it into the arena. THe ensuing scenario went like this:

I pulled the hose and said "No Bite!"

He clamped harder on the hose and stared at me.

I pulled. He stared. I pulled and then socked him in the neck.

He let go.

And ran away to the other side again. No doubt he was laughing the whole way.