Roaring Corgi

Weight Watchers Week One: The Weigh In

I went to my second Weight Watchers meeting this week. We still played the affirmation game at the end, where everyone shouts the affirmations in unison. (I didn’t because I don’t know them yet.) It was still weird. 

First there is the weigh in. I took off my shoes and stepped up on the scale behind the little glass partition, which is conveniently cloudy so people can’t see anything about your weight. This is a stupid and entirely pointless measure since the weight only shows up on the employee’s computer, which isn’t visible anyway. And it’s not like people are getting naked in there, though I supposed it provides more privacy should you want to take more off. 

I lost .2 pounds. <--Not a typo. That’s two-tenths of a pound. Let me give you a visual. Take five Ding Dongs and lay them on a table to represent ONE pound (If you have Ding Dongs in your house I envy you). Take one away. There are still four Ding Dongs of fat left in that single pound. That’s it. Not impressive.

She asked me: “Do you feel thinner?” 
I paused. “Yes, actually.” 
She smiled really big. “Well then that’s good!”

Um. Feeling thinner does not actually equal thinner. 

<Lifts glass of water since I can’t drink anything else> Here’s to next week. 

Crazy Dog is a jerk, but then you knew that.

This dog is such an ass sometimes. This isn't any secret to anyone who has met him or has met me or reads this blog. It's just that I never run out of new examples of why he is so terrible. 

The other night I am looking for him so we can go to bed. I keep walking up and down the hallway, calling his name. He isn't coming and I don't see him on his usual perches:

- the guest bed

- Roxy's bed

- the dog bed downstairs

Then I happen to look down as I am walking back through the hallway for the 12th time and see him like this:


 

Yup. He's laying in the laundry basket. On my clothes. (They were dirty.) This same dog is TERRIFIED of the laundry basket when it's empty. But then it's not soft. It's understandable.

Empty laundry basket = cage of terrifying mutilation death. 

Full laundry basket = soft fluffy bed humans placed for me in the hallway.

I wasn't as annoyed with him sleeping on my clothes as I was at his refusal to respond to my calls to him. It was as if he knew he wasn't supposed to be there so he tried to camouflage: "Please don't find me. Don't find me!"

And that face he is making right there? It's the oh-man-I-am-so-sorry-but-not-really-at-all face. He doesn't give one crap about whether we are mad at him. He would prefer I just walk away and let him be. Which I didn't. I beat him. 

Weight Watchers Affirmations

I started Weight Watchers. Not because I do New Year's resolutions. Because I don't do those. Usually my resolution is to not have a resolution. Just like I give up Lent for Lent. 

I started this because I noticed over the holidays that I looked pregnant. Without being pregnant. Typically if your belly looks like there is a small human in it, you want there to actually BE a small human in it. And I know I can just eat less. But if it was up to me alone, that wouldn't happen. I love food too much. And I like rewarding myself. I think I just reward myself too much. (But can you blame me? I kind of deserve it.)

Weight Watchers has you track points and with all of the apps available, it's actually pretty easy. When you are hungry, you are supposed to fill yourself up with fruits and veggies. I like fruits and veggies so this really isn't a big deal. I would rather fill myself up with cookies and brownies, but then that defeats the purpose. There is something that comes with it that no one talks about though. And I know this can't JUST be me. All that fruit and veggie eating is, well, um, cleansing. 

I signed up for the program that has you go to meetings. The theory there was that I would feel gentle pressure to make sure I stick to the points so that my weight actually changes from week to week. If I get good at keeping to it, I'll cut the umbilical cord. 

My first meeting was last night. Guys, I had to resist the urge to film it. It was... interesting. Have you ever seen Little Miss Sunshine? If not, you need to because it is amazing. The meeting leader or whatever sounded like Richard Hoover (the dad) from the movie. The best way to draw this picture for you is to put some quotes below from the movie, which were almost exactly the kinds of things they say at these meetings:

"There's two kinds of people in this world, there's winners and there's losers. Okay, you know what the difference is? Winners don't give up. "

"Sarcasm is the refuge of losers. "

"Inside each and every one of you, at the very core of your being is a winner, waiting to be awakened and unleashed upon the world….go out and make your dreams come true."

"No hesitating, no complaining and no excuses. I want you to go out into the world and I want you to be winners."

Here is a video I found. These people totally drank the Kool-Aid:
 

^That's the kind of shit they say there. I'm all for positivity (haha!) and encouragement, but it was pretty surreal. They wanted me to stay even longer since I was new but I left after about 20 minutes. I just want to weigh in and go people. Your propaganda and indoctrination seminars are not something I am interested in. 

Anyone else go to those meetings and feel the same?