Roaring Corgi

No REALLY I could use the vet bill donations OR WHEN HEARTWORMS ATTACK! Tonight at 7!

It's like red paperclip except I will exchange with you all kinds of good thoughts and maybe some hugs for cold, hard cash for my animals.

Fine.

How about I'll trade you Crazy Dog for money? What?! You heard what about him? That he is insane? Hahahaaha... heh.. that's just a JOKE. heh. <clears throat>

I decided to put my dogs back on heartworm medication because they have been off for over a year - I know. Why now? Well apparently there were TWO CASES OF HEARTWORM LAST SUMMER.  And previously there were... zero. Which means the threat has gone up 200%.

For those of you who do not have the drudgery wonderful, butterflies and bubblegum experience of owning dumb animals like dogs, let me just fill you in.

1. The medications require a prescription. Now. Dogs are considered property, not creatures. Meaning, if I gave my dog to a friend to watch and they decided to not give it back, I would thank them I wouldn't be able to make them give it back without going to court for property issues. So naturally you would need a prescription to give them something to eat. W.T.F.

2. I have to take Crazy Dog in to get a physical because he hasn't seen a vet in a while on account that he tends to maul their faces into little bits of fat and gristle. I think it means he likes them. I have to pay $59 to that vet for that honor. For one dog. Only him. SOLO UNO PERRO PEOPLE. <--that's spanish at work yo.

3. Roxy avoids this charge because she spends 35% of her life at the vet. She should have a punch card.

4. I also have to get blood tests done for BOTH dogs in order to make sure they don't have heartworm before I get the medication that prevents heartwor--wait a damn minute. That makes no sense you say? Yes well allegedly if the dog does have heartworm and you give the medicine it will kill them. KILL THEM. Right. Haha. You got me! No idea! What in the world?

5. Then I get the honor of paying $25 per month to keep them non-heartworm infested. I was ready to give up until my partner pointed out that if they did get heartworm it would cost a hell of a lot more to save them <kicks ground> So I guess it only makes sense.

Donation checks can be made out to Breanne Boyle. Thank you.

I am now taking donations in order to pay vet bills.

Roxy split her leg open or something as equally retarded. I mean what is that animal thinking?

"Oh well I haven't seen that scary vet guy that I hate in about 2 months - TIME TO INVENT A REASON."

She was licking her leg the other day until I noticed and saw there was what looks like a hole in her skin. How she got a perfectly round hole in her skin is beyond me, but then again I don't understand a  lot of what that dog does:
- Chase loud cars
- Lick Crazy Dog's face even though he looks like will explode in a homicidal rage if she licks him one. more. time.
- Run through a screen door
- Scoot a bed
- Attack windshield wipers

And those are just a few. I had to deal with this dumb hole so I put neosporin on it and wrapped it in painter's tape, because why on earth would I have something practical like bandage wraps lying around. BTW, the tape worked like a charm, and didn't even pull hair!

Then yesterday I come home and Crazy Dog is rubbing his ear so deeply against his own foot that he is falling over in ecstasy. Seriously. It was obscene. I looked and well, don'tcha know! He has an ear infection! Apparently it comes in pairs.

I cleaned it out with some q-tips (I KNOW I am not supposed to do that but bite me) and when I was doing that CD fell against my leg and started kicking his leg and grunting. People. I felt so... used. 

Moral? Don't get hurt and you wont have to wear that stupid cone of shame anymore Roxy.

WHERE ARE MY PEOPLESSS??

Roxy definitely loves Crazy Dog more than he does her. I'm not even sure he gives a care if she stays or goes, often wishing she would just GO ALREADY.

He has this habit of sleeping on top of the two dog creates, I think to get away from Roxy actually. She hasn't figured this place out yet for some reason. It's his escape.

I don't blame him. Not a bit.

Roxy also has this need to know where everyone is at all times. She's a herding dog you know, so she needs to go oh there you are, where's the other person, oh okay right there. That makes two so we're good. <corgi sighs and sleeps soundly>

If I get up to move to another room, even for a second, she goes right with me. What if I disappeared or came back as TWO people? Her herd count would be off!

I have a favorite blog that writes about her Aussie that has this very same hang up.

My partner and I were IMing and he told me this story that sums up all of the above perfectly:

Him: this morning when i got out of the shower  roxy was on the ground and <crazy dog> was up on top of her crate
Him: and suddenly she got up and started looking around
Him: behind the bed etc
Him: then stood up and put her paws on the crate and saw where he was
Me: lol
Him: and ROARED with glee
Me: hahahaha
Me: I FOUND HIM
Him: like she was SO happy to find him
Me: she needed to count her family
Me: ONE WAS MISSING

Crazy Dog Journal #12

Sometimes I like to lay on TOP of my crate and stare longingly out the window. That is of course while the people are home. When they are gone I like to snuggle on top of the couch where it's nice and comfy. I have made a small but permanent indention in the couch cushion I prefer. <yawn>

Crazy Dog Journal #11

That terrible dog left us for a few days and I was so happy.
Then, she came back and I was not happy.
Then I saw that she had a stitched up leg with shaved hair.
AND SHE LOOKED SO STUPID!

AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! <gasp!><bark!>

Pics here.

Thanks for the effort?

Crazy Dog, in case you weren't aware, has intestinal problems. For some history lessons, see here, here, and here. So every morning my partner tries to feed that damn dog and on a regular basis, he will refuse to eat. There is a mathematical formula to predict the future when that happens:

CD refuses to eat + any human pack member leaving the house = violent, disgusting bile puke all over the floor

Where he used to actually make it to the tile floor to clean out his stomach fluids, he is now heading toward the bathroom door where there is carpet. Why?

I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS EXCUSE FOR AN ANIMAL DOES ANYTHING HE DOES.

So we started putting a towel in front of the bathroom so if he had to puke, well then fine, let him puke. He would just have to puke on a towel rather than the carpet. Once we started this he just stopped puking, refused to puke on this silly towel. For the love of anything holy, thank you.

Then. Then today he thought well crap, I can just puke IN FRONT OF the towel, therefore still puking on the carpet, therefore thwarting the humans again.

Thanks for listening. I just remembered I needed to go post a free dog on Craigslist.

Crazy Dog Journal #10

First, I was sleeping.
Then, Roxy was biting my ear.
Then, I BIT HER FACE.

My little cuddly pup.

For all of Crazy Dog's faults, he is the cuddliest little bugger. I'm fairly certain that his motives for being such a cuddly pup are completely selfish. Me=softer than the ground. And because I have some sort of need for a warm furry body breathing against me (my partner doesn't have enough body hair to be a legitimate alternative to Crazy Dog), I will admit it. I indulge him. Anytime he wants it. I'm such a dog cuddle slut. And he uses me, that dog.

But seriously, if you weren't so stoic and you didn't kid yourself, don't you just want to squish his little face folds?

JUST LOOK AT THAT PICTURE. He was so super tired (or acting that way) one day that I bundled him in a blanket and let him sleep on the couch next to me. Websters, his back foot is near his front foot! How is that NOT cute? Look at the little hairs in between his toes! <gasp!>

Of course with his foot that close to his face, and because I am grossly aware of his mental inadequacies, I can't help but think of this dog... And I am almost certain Crazy Dog will wake up and do exactly this:

Welcome Back Poop. The best kind!

It's been a fast-paced few weeks around here, with a few trips to Vegas (all pleasure, let me assure you, since I am often there for work. It's like a second home. Maybe a third.) and some dog shows thrown in for good measure.

In typical pup fashion, the dogs decided to come home from a weekend at the grandparent's house (pup Disneyland) and develop an explosive, rather stinky case of diarrhea. Ah, what would life be without the gut-turning stench of liquid poop greeting you at the door after a long day of work? It would not be my life, that's for damn sure.

Pictures as evidence are posted. As I'm sure you guessed. Because why else would i just post pictures of poop? Well. I might. It would be pretty entertaining. But I didn't so don't get all antsy. These are true, honest, straight from Crazy Dog's rear end kind of poop pictures.

AUTHENTIC.
Expect nothing less.

This other pircture here is of Roxy, looking very guilty. She always acts guilty. It makes it tough to know which animal to pummel.

Ding Dong the dogs are stupid.

Last night I was watching The Real Housewives of New York City, which I LOVE. I know right?

A doorbell on the show rang and the dogs went AWOL over it. So here's me:

"Crazy Dog! No Bark! Roxy! No! Bad Dogs!"

Their response: BARK AT DOORBELL! KEEP INTRUDER AWAY!

Me: "We don't even have an effing doorbell you mangy, stinky, worthless animals!"