Roaring Corgi

Kisses

Just some information for you:

If there is any part of your body that is accessible to the corgi, she will lick it. ANY PART. 

Ew. Let's not get R rated here.  But I mean, armpits, butt cracks, and boob sweat areas are not off limits, provided she can access them. Sometimes when you aren't even expecting it. <shudder> 

Evidence of the maniacal obsession:

 Oh wait, aaaaaaaand more:

TAG TEAM!!!

Gross.

Almost Four Surgeries! Also: Drunk Corgi!

For the last week Roxy has been walking on only three legs. She decided to jump off of my partner’s lap to charge downstairs and set the neighbor dogs straight, and in doing so did something to her leg. The same leg that has been operated on three times. She’s a glutton for pain.

We decided to give it a week. Because we are, by now, very experienced dog owners. If it’s soft tissue, it will heal up quicker and we can save on x-rays. If it’s still a problem in a week, then fine. She can see a vet.

And fast forward to this last weekend and she still hobbling around on three legs, though she does it happily. Don’t be fooled. Three legs is all she needs to still be playful, bossy, and loud. I think it’s time to cut off that leg once and for all give her a cart. She’d be rear-wheel drive. She’d be the fastest damn dog on the block.

We made a vet appointment for her orthopedist.

YES. MY DOG HAS A SPECIALIST. <--This is why I’m poor.

This orthopedist is an hour away and only works nights. So we did a Sunday night appointment and hoped for the best. After waiting for 2.5 hours, we saw him around 11:45pm. Whee.

X-rays were ordered. But not before he stabbed a tranquilizing shot into her butt. (He did this because he knew the position of her leg for x-rays would be painful. Also drugged dogs are funny. He didn’t say that. I did.)

Here she is as the tranq takes affect:

After the X-rays we were told that she probably cracked the fragile bone in her leg that has had the previous operations. The vet thinks she needs to heal on her own. Good thing? No surgery (for now). Bad thing? For the next month we need to carry her up and down stairs and keep her from playing, chasing, jumping, and running.

She is a corgi.

This is not possible to do.

When I brought her home she was so messed up. She looked like it felt AMAZING. She kept trying to give us kisses but as you can see in the video below, she lost the function to control her tongue. (Also, apparently, my partner lost his ability to stand upright while holding a dog):

Where have all the spiders gone? Long time passing?

I kind of hate this time of year. And also love it. I am so damn conflicted. I am excited that it is fall, and, therefore, HALLOWEEN! AND THANKSGIVING! AND THEN HOLY CRAP CHRISTMAS!

But. I hate that September also brings with it this fickle, and terrible, weather. It's very much like an abusive boyfriend. <--I can say this statement because I've had one. It's the same. Almost. Really close. 

I wake up in the morning and it's all cold and freezing and I am like, I will wear boots! And a sweater maybe! Or at least just boots! And then by noon, I am sweating like it's the deep south (that is NOT a euphemism). WTF California? And I should be used to this since I have experienced it almost every year for <cough> 30 <cough> years. There that boyfriend goes: hitting me again. I shouldn't expect anything else. 

You know what else happens this time of year? (Now that we own a house)

Western Exterminator pays a visit. And soaks our yard with so much poison. DEATH TO CRAWLIES! (flips hair) Gawd, they use organic inside. Sheesh. 

I really do not know what it is but our house always has spiders. And not just this house. All the ones we've lived in. There is obviously a common denominator: spiders are assholes. 

But no really it's because we have dogs. And we leave windows open a lot and screen doors ajar for them to go in and out. 

Last week we had the yard and house sufficiently soaked with poison to end the spider camp outs we disrupt when we go to bed... BECAUSE THEY ARE IN OUR BED. 

For some reason we have yet to figure out, our house had an infestation of flies this past month. Like not 5 or 6, but very seriously like 12 at a time flying around. We would no sooner kill them when 6 more would pop up. I started glaring extra hard at the dogs to make sure they weren't pooping and hiding it. 

Roxy would do that if she had the wherewithal. 

So I thought, Ah ha! I know a solution! I will get those bag traps we use at the barn! They catch MILLIONS of flies! Except what I never realized is that those bags? How they catch flies? It's this bait in there that smells like 2,500 rotting carcasses all in one spot. I hung a bag from our stairs and within 45 minutes I was stopping my gag reflex any time I was on our first floor. 

It. Was. Disgusting.

You know who loved it?

The dogs. 

This is them: OMG THERE IS SOMETHING SO YUMMYGROSS OVER HERE!

Crazy Dog was standing on his feet, doing dances underneath the bag, sniffing the air as if the air was filled with truffles (Truffles are amazing. Stop).

Once Roxy got wind of it (literally), she then decided to be pissed any time Crazy Dog even looked in the direction of the stairs, where the bag was hanging. 

If that animal so much as even shifted his body weight, Roxy was throwing him glares and snarly faces. 

OVER ROTTEN FLY BAIT. 

Why are my animals so stupid?

Even if it wasn't about to cause a dog fight and therefore spill blood all over my nice hardwood floors (and let's be honest, half the time I get worried about them fighting it's because I have no idea if blood will come out of our carpet/wood floors), it still smelled like sh!t. 

So I moved it outside to hang under a tree. I figured if I already opened the package I might as well use it. 

The closest they will get to killing small fluffy things. I hope.

But they do SO like to disappoint me. 

Horses aren't allowed to do that. Because I said. "I" being Roxy.

I wish my corgi was a stable dog. She is not. To be clear. She is sort of freaked out by horses. Only if they are close. 

If a horse is walking next to her, she is fine with that. If it even stands near her, she can deal. She may pull on her leash to stretch as far as she can from it, but in general, she deals. 

If a horse puts its head down and looks right at her at her level? NOT OKAY. 

She lets that horse know by baring her teeth and barking in sort of a high-pitched, I'm-scared-out-of-my-skull kind of way. Said horse typically reacts with a blink and then looks somewhere else. 

She is obviously not fooling anyone. 

One day, a while back, I had her at the stables to hang out, and I think she likes going for the most part. Here are some reasons why stables are fun:

1. There are chickens there. And chickens are AWESOME TO CHASE. (I try not to let her)
2. There are cats there. And cats are AWESOME TO CHASE. (this one is fine. i am not a cat person)*
3.  Horse poop is apparently really yummy.
4. SO. MANY. SMELLS.

Here is why she doesn't like it:

1. Stables are BORING.
2. Still kind of boring.
3. Nothing to do. Bored.
4. Horses.

The horse I ride is a little palomino mare who doesn't care at all that Roxy is nearby. Roxy has the same feeling about this horse (name: Sassy). Sassy is not interesting at all. But Roxy will stay clear of the big animal by going to the end of her leash at any time she is around her. 

However there is this other horse. Special. <--His name. Anyway. So Special is a HUGE horse, at least compared to Sassy. And Roxy decided that since he is the biggest horse around that she will tell HIM what to do. And not do as it turns out. 

Special walking by? Hmm, that's fine.
Special in the arena? Okay.
Special grazing near Roxy? Not okay. Not okay. NOT OKAY.
Any horse rolling in the dirt. SERIOUSLY NOT OKAY. 

I will never understand what passes through that corgi brain of hers that makes her think one action is fine and another is not.

Digression:
She has thing that we describe as "People/Horses/Dogs/Whatever aren't allowed to do that." If Roxy sees something out of the ordinary, she will bark so ferociously at that mammal, telling it, "YOU STOP THAT NOW! I DID NOT SAY THAT WAS OKAY!"

Examples of these things that offend her:

1. People standing in pickup beds
2. People in tree trimmers.  
3. Dogs jogging with bikes
4. Horses that roll on the ground 

And it goes on. You get the idea. Her brain is retarded. 

 

*This is for the people who also go to the stables who may see this post. I exaggerate about the cats. She Wants to chase them, but she is never off leash and she is not allowed. Just so you know that Oscar, Amy, and Max are all safe and fine. 

Because they have little teeth this is cute

My partner wanted to try some new fruit, so he bought some D'anjou pears. But they were solid green. He is eating one and is saying it's not good. It sounds like he's biting into an apple. I tell him that pears are supposed to be soft so if it's tough and hard to bite, then it's not ripe. He tells me he doesn't believe me. So I show him some other pears that ARE ripe.

Big difference.

So then I tell him that even animals wouldn't eat it because it isn't ripe and they know that. He tells me he thinks the dogs would.

<scoff>

Crazy Dog doesn't like to eat in general so I had no faith there.

I figured Roxy would only do it because she has this need to eat anything she even THINKS is food. Because the alternative is NOT EATING THE FOOD.

<sigh>

So then they BOTH prove me wrong. I hate them.

I've been hitting you with some videos lately but come on... watch this one. they use their little front teeth to bite off parts of the pear! Cute!

 

Super cute corgi playing in the sheets.

Va va voom.

Here she is being all cute and playful, and then HARK! Crazy Dog is all... cute? and playful? <rubs eyes>

 And notice the sounds coming from CD that sound like he is being pushed through a small hole - GROOOOOOAAAAANNNNNN.

It's why we call him "grumble pants."

Among other names. Like "jerk" and "curmudgeon."  <--those are the PC, blog-appropriate ones.

Curmudgeon by the way means "a bad-tempered or surly person" and  I think that fits him perfectly.

Happy 5th Birthday

In honor of her 5th birthday, I am listing at least 5 things I like about Roxy, our roaring corgi, and inspiration for this blog. (Remember the pooping?)

1. She is fluffy.

2. She roars

K... those are the obvious ones. Now it takes brain power to really think of other ones.

3.....

(trying again)

3. One of her favorite toys is a hedgehog that grunts and it is too big for her to hold in her mouth easily so when she does, she audibly snorts as she walks. <--That, my friends, is ridiculously cute.

4. She personifies the dog in Up in this way with every human: "I just met you and I love you!"

(I think this last one is something that I love about her, but also drives me crazy. But that's true love right?)

5. She will always take on the largest dog, horse, sheep--whatever--paying no attention to her own diminutive size.

 

What sucks about this post is now I am challenged to find one more thing by this time next year.

 

... okay wait, I already know it so let's tack it on:

Extra Credit: She annoys Crazy Dog just enough that he grumbles a lot and leaves the room, but not enough to make him rip her face off. For that? Well. All I have is admiration.

 

When Crazy Dog is crazy even in dreams.

This is an older story, but as the phrase goes, it is a goodie!

When we got Roxy as a pup she was about 4 months old. So she has really only known most of her life to be with Crazy Dog, which means she actually likes him. Most of the time. And really “like” can sometimes mean these things:

- Bosses around

- Plays with

- Annoys on purpose

- Steals from

- Snuggles next to

- Licking until CD wants to bite her

When she is particularly caring around him, it can be achingly sweet to see. And truly, if he is ever gone without her, she actively seeks him out around the house. She seems sad and confused. And then she is elated to see him.

On the other hand, when she is gone (and we are home), Crazy Dog acts like we finally unhooked the large baby elephant with psoriasis that he has been dragging around with him for 5 years. He seems positively… peaceful.

Until you look directly into his face. Well, you. Not me.

So anyway, back to my story. One evening when she was younger, she was sleeping next to him on the couch and we were nearby. All of a sudden we see her wake up as if startled, turn to look at Crazy Dog, and then attack him with rage in her eyes.

All we can assume is that he killed her pet unicorn.

Happy Holidays to all those corgis and crazies out there.

Happy Holidays from all of us here at the nut house.